So it is here… The first day at nursery for Rupert and I… I’m so excited for him to be able to go and have this time each week where he can learn to socialise with other children, but mainly I’m sad.. For myself, for him and the fact that this starts the beginning of a new life and routine for us.
In reality Rupert will be going into nursery 3 days a week, initially 9-3 and then when I go back to work 8-6. It is this, the 8-6pm, that really breaks my heart. That’s 10 hours!! 10 hours of being away from home, 10 hours of being away from me and John – for a 1 year old this just seems crazy to me! As you may be able to tell I am absolutely devastated about him having to go to nursery for that long. But actually part of this anxiety is also because it symbolises the start of the inevitable journey to me having to go back to work, but that’s another story!
I spend quite a lot of time at the moment being tearful and having panic attacks when the reality clouds over me – I am having to use a lot of breathing techniques to just get through these moments. I am feeling very overwhelmed and backed into a corner, and consequently my body feels like it is ready to run away all the time which is making me exhausted.
But instead of this post just being me moaning, let me tell you a few things that I am doing to try and lessen my anxiety about this.
- Breathing techniques – these are essential. Slow and methodical breathing has been shown to lower the corsitol levels in your body which reduces the “fight or flight” response. One method is just to be mindful about breathing and perhaps even count the breath in and out e.g inhale for 3 counts and exhale for 3 counts and over time double the time you exhale for so inhaling for 3 counts and exhaling for 6.
- Make the most of the time I do spend with Rupert! This goes without saying really, but really treasuring that time we have together just makes sense! All the fear I have of him not being so bonded with me after him going to nursery seems less intense if we have lots of laughing and playing together.
- Just take each day as it comes. Yes I will have to go back to work, yes that sucks so hard but I am trying to stay in the present, not worry about tomorrow when today is already overwhelming.
So there we go! Off to nursery we go today! Wish me luck.. I think I’m going to need it.